epitome

you treat me like i'm perfect
flawless and divine
you worship the ground i walk on
but i just can't call you mine
you'd dig all the way to china
and back again to see
the queen invented in your mind
that surely isn't me
the hope and love thats in your eyes
each time you look my way
always tears my heart in half because
i'm just not going to stay.

words from nicholas.

An email I received on May 17th, 2012. This is very dear to me. He was a beautiful writer. I miss him terribly. 

• "everything you do is a good thing, grace. you are a good and beautiful person, full of light. if god exists, you make her weep.
  
  if i were your creator, i would be so proud. you don't need luck grace. just confidence. and i wish you the deepest levels of truth. it's already inside of you. i wish you yourself. your true self. unrestrained, uninhibited.
  
  
  i just want everyone to be free and happy. to be okay with being human. to not hate themselves for things that they have no control over. to accept the void, to stare into it, to become it, and to emerge something greater than they could have imagined possible.
  
  
• p.s. i remember people in high school being all "grace just says whatever she thinks. she's honest to a fault."
• and i always loved that so much about you. i always found myself in that part of you. our degree of honesty is not a fault, just an acquired taste.
• and those who have not acquired it are two-faced and repressed.
• you are a real person. from my perspective, this is the highest of compliments.
  
  
• stay real. stay truthful. in this deep ocean of grey, people like you and me are the only ones who ever see the surface, who ever feel the sun glisten upon our bodies. we will be judged, but such judgments do not matter. we have ourselves, truly, an understanding that most cannot comprehend. we are beautiful in ways that only the beached can appreciate. let us not bask in the light, but bring others to the surface. there is so much light and goodness in the world. we are prophets in the most honest sense of all."
  
  

Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

midnight pass

I took a walk in the night-time
as the rain fell, I smiled to see
an appropriate name bestowed upon
this street I walked, called midnight pass

I crossed corners, construction
countless cubicles semi lit and empty
night draped its lonesome upon my body
but my whimsical spirit pressed on

to my dismay, stirring caused broken silence
glowing eyes, and a wiry black tail
this feline watched my every move
I paused, and knelt with invitation

non-chalant, a curled back it gave
as this creature's curiosity crept up to me
it shared affection but would not stay
and I watched it blend into the darkness

yet I saw another on this pass, so peculiar
the yin to the previous yang
it moved quickly with its countervailing white coat
carefully into the tall, dark grass

On my night-time walk on midnight pass.

tennessee williams

“Oh, you weak, beautiful people who give up with such grace. What you need is someone to take hold of you -- gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.”

incredible quotes

“The ancient prophets speak of ‘entering into God’s rest’; what does it mean? To my mind, it means entering into the knowledge and love of God, having faith in his purpose and in his plan, to such an extent that we know we are right, and that we are not hunting for something else, we are not disturbed by every wind of doctrine, or by the cunning and craftiness of men who lie in wait to deceive. We know of the doctrine that it is of God, and we do not ask any questions of anybody about it; they are welcome to their opinions, to their ideas and to their vagaries. The man who has reached that degree of faith in God that all doubt and fear have been cast from him, he has entered into ‘God’s rest.’ . . . rest from doubt, from fear, from apprehension of danger, rest from the religious turmoil of the world. . . .” (Smith, Gospel Doctrine, p. 58.)

Brigham Young once said...“The men and women, who desire to obtain seats in the celestial kingdom, will find that they must battle everyday.. of their lives”

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To make friends, feel there is something inside of them. Look on the bright side of everything. To think the best, to forget the mistakes of the past, and to press onto other things. To give so much time to improving yourself that you don't have time to criticize others. To be too large for worries, too noble for fear, too strong for anger, too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of yourself and to proclaim this force to the world. Not in loud voices, but in great works.
- James E. Talmage

"You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see things, wonderful to tell. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation."

--Seer from O Brother, Where Art Thou

gratitude.

Sacrifice. You're not doing it right if it's easy. Even for the Savior, it was difficult and he still suffered.

I'm so happy to be in Lexington. I'm so happy to be close to my two siblings and their families. I adore Esther, Lais (and Allison, even though you're far away)! I'm already protective over my nephews, and I can't imagine what it'll be like having my own family someday. I have a good job and am very blessed financially. I live in a lovely home because of the kindness of a sweet woman. I am so happy to see and spend time with my old, dear friend Nick--along with many others. I know the roads better than any other city I've ever lived in. This is home.  This is where my heart is.

I don't want this to end. But it will. So I'm going to enjoy every second of my time here and thank God every day that I have it.

story of my life.